But the adjustment to normalcy, while wonderful in many ways, isn't that simple. Each of us has gone through a lot to get here. He is divorced; mine is still in progress. My family and friends know I'm seeing someone, but I'd rather they didn't know the circumstances. Some of his friends and colleagues know what happened; his family doesn't. He'd understandably like to avoid living the rest of his life, and spending our relationship, under a cloud of scandal. So there is still some degree of hiding as we phase in this relationship for public consumption. And we are discovering that we have to work to avoid making the same mistakes with each other that led us to be where we are.
I'm not talking about cheating; I'm talking about communication. And that's hard when he is traveling for work or to see his kids, or I have my kids, and the only communication we get is in snippets. We have a lot to talk about. We want to get this right. I honestly don't know how we ever lived before, only seeing each other for a few hours every few weeks, talking in bits and pieces, e-mailing, g-chatting, never getting that stream-of-consciousness conversation that comes with the luxury of having hours and hours to spend together with no fear of discovery, no needing to get back to where we're expected to be. I never got into that thrill-of-forbidden-love thing. I want to be for real.
Each of us spent more than a decade with someone who didn't really care what we thought. He at least spoke his mind, for all it mattered. I didn't even do that; I just took whatever was dished out. We both learned bad habits. We want to un-learn them, to be honest even when the truth isn't pretty, to have the difficult conversations, to disagree and work it out. We are trying, and I believe in us.
But, if you're involved in an affair and think you will have a blissful and uncomplicated relationship with your lover once you are able to be together, give it up. You can't escape yourselves.
I'm not talking about cheating; I'm talking about communication. And that's hard when he is traveling for work or to see his kids, or I have my kids, and the only communication we get is in snippets. We have a lot to talk about. We want to get this right. I honestly don't know how we ever lived before, only seeing each other for a few hours every few weeks, talking in bits and pieces, e-mailing, g-chatting, never getting that stream-of-consciousness conversation that comes with the luxury of having hours and hours to spend together with no fear of discovery, no needing to get back to where we're expected to be. I never got into that thrill-of-forbidden-love thing. I want to be for real.
Each of us spent more than a decade with someone who didn't really care what we thought. He at least spoke his mind, for all it mattered. I didn't even do that; I just took whatever was dished out. We both learned bad habits. We want to un-learn them, to be honest even when the truth isn't pretty, to have the difficult conversations, to disagree and work it out. We are trying, and I believe in us.
But, if you're involved in an affair and think you will have a blissful and uncomplicated relationship with your lover once you are able to be together, give it up. You can't escape yourselves.
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